Cows & Politics Explained....sorta

A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.

A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. They are mad. They die. Pass the shepherd's pie, please.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship both of them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported on them.

AN ISRAELI CORPORATION: There are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?

AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.

Sometimes its hard to get a conversation started with your spouse......mainly cause, you have already discussed everything you can think of and neither of you know enough about the "new gadgets" to even think about discussing them. That's what this little list is for.

1. President Franklin Roosevelt served King George V1 of England hot dogs and beer during a White House visit in 1939.

2. NASA approved hot dogs as a regular menu item on Apollo moon flights, Skylab missions and space shuttle flights.

3. Hot dogs are featured on the menu at the Vatican's snack bar.

4. Egyptians grew watermelons more than 5,000 years ago and often decorated walls with pictures of watermelons. They sold seeds along the Mediterranean trade route, and by the 10th century they were growing in China....later in Europe.

5. In China and Japan, a watermelon is considered an appropriate gift for a host of hostess. "Gee, thanks".

6. Early explorers used watermelons as canteens. Bet they didn't have to lug the world's largest one though....it was grown in Hope Ark. in 2005, and weighed in at 268.8 pounds.Hope Ark......hmmm.....popular spot in recent years.....Clinton and Huckabee.

7. A watermelon was once thrown at Greek Governor Demosthenes (384-322 B/C.)during a political debate. Placing the watermelon on his head, the governor thanked the thrower for providing him a helmet. Bet the thrower didn't heave one of them "big-gons"from Hope, Ark.!

8. A bunch of farmers are using predator birds to control pesky birds that damage or forage on crops. That's pretty environmentally friendly! Birds and other wildlife cause an estimated $944 million damage a year. Falcons are used and they just scare away the nuisance starlings.

9. The EPA allows farmers to spread semi-solid byproduct of wastewater treatment plants over the fields as a free nutrient rich fertilizer. I'm not sure I like this idea. A scientist ,David Lewis, who USED to be a high ranking official working with the EPA, is now an outcast as he fights the agency over this issue. He was the one that discovered dental equipment could be a haven for HIV.

10. Tweens....8-12 year olds, usually girls....spend or influence their parents to spend $500 BILLION a year.....and it ain't all going to Hannah Montana stuff. I think KIDS have entirely too much power in the family and our culture is catering to them. I have seen them even control what shows will be on TV. usanewsweek.com wants you to tell them what you think....Do kids have too much power?

lagirl invited me to her birthday party, and it reminded me of what I wrote about my last birthday.
Birthdays,....gotta have'em!!

Happy Birthday lagirl!!

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Hearing a lot about "change" lately. Been doing some of it too. It's been a year of changes, a life of changes. The times they are a-changing....the clocks they are a-changing.....the calendar pages change too quickly. I can hear the clock and see the sun in it's travels. I can feel the tides as they ebb and flow. Things are slowing down, and the sun is setting. I am moving into the next season, the next change, perhaps the final change.

Or not. Instead of moving forward, I may backup and refuse to budge.
I'm tired of all the changes.

First of all, Change is NOT always a good thing.
Remember the new Coke? Not good.
Sometimes the old ways are best. I cannot tell you how many times in my life I have bought something that said it was "NEW and IMPROVED", and it wasn't. Well, maybe it was NEW but it certainly wasn't improved. The price did change though. Seems "new and improved" was just a little bit more money then the older product.
Change usually ends up costing more. Trust me on this one.

A NEW hairdo, could be a good change. It was for me this past year. Had about 12 inches cut off and donated to Locks of Love. We all made out on that change. This was a really big change for me, as I had worn my hair up for 15 years. Now my "do" looks like Katie Courics.....I'm sick of it...I see it everywhere. We all look alike. Time for another change.

If you are wearing a soiled diaper, then change would be a good thing. It would really be great it you can find someone else to change it for you. This is not always easy. Trust me once again.

Sometimes change doesn't mean anything. It looks different, but it's the same thing. A good example of this is a dollar bill vs 4 quarters. With the right ad campaign, a lot of people would want one or the other for any number of reasons. Go figure.

All of these are simple changes. They basically mean very little. It's the life changes that make a difference, what we say and what we do . We Christians are called to be a light to the world....
if they light all my candles, I'll be really doing my part!

The Lord has blessed me in many ways, and I am supported by praying friends and family.This Saturday I celebrated my 65th birthday. As I blew out the candles, I was remembering some positive changes in my life, and knowing that often our blessings are the result of intercessory prayer. I thank all of those that have mentioned my name in prayer. I will also be saying "Thank you, Lord, for giving me this day, may I have another please?"

Don't laugh. You're next!

While I'm ranting & raving, I have decided to make my opinions known on a variety of issues.No, they won't make me popular and I will be considered bigoted and stupid....I can live with that. What I cannot do is continue to sit on my butt and say nothing. If that was my goal, I wold have run for office.

PLEASE don't make the mistake of "assuming" you know my party affiliation, merely by my postings. You don't, and it's impossible to do so. Why? Because I vary.....I like some of THEM and some of THOSE, and reserve the right to change my mind. (Which by the way,would also be a good asset should I decide to run for any office)

Granted that the Bible influences me and I do adhere to the Christian principals and 10 commandments. I fail at keeping all of them....true.....but, I get up and try and do better.Why is it that the very principals that this nation was founded on, and that our ancestors died for, is all at once passe; irrelevant; backwoodsey; and something to be ashamed of? The "Bible Belt" is ridiculed as are small towns with southern dialects. We are classed together as ignorant and uneducated, and It has been said we "cling to our bibles and our guns" because we have nothing else. We are made to sound so pathetic. Well, I for one,resent the remark. Somehow, it is quite acceptable to call "southerners" names and if they are Christian....double whammy! Why?

I have seen some,.... close up and in the family,...college graduates that have so little common sense that if possible I would saw their branch off the family tree. I see them on TV too, and they appear to come from all over the US...not just the south. I don't think some people realize that being college educated and being smart are two entirely different things. A lot of space is taken up in college by people that should have taken up a trade......But, NO....everybody wants to be a lawyer or have some high paying position funded by some special interest group. What's wrong with learning a trade? NOTHING.

Know what's going to happen? The toilet's gonna overflow and there will not be a plumber.Your car will "quit" and there won't be a mechanic. Your roof will leak and there won't be a roofer. However if someone hurts your feelings by calling you a name, you can rest assured that there are MANY lawyers and groups that are falling all over themselves looking for some big class action lawsuit.

What the heck ever happened to "sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me?" Geesh....we have raised up a bunch of wussies and sissies and cry babies, and we have made being such, HONORABLE. When possible we reward them with big $$ in awards and do such stupid things as refuse to let our children play tag at school. Or choose "sides" Don't want their little egos hurt do we? Let's not teach them about hard work, and 'sometimes you win sometimes you lose' rules. Forget about playing fair and not cheating......and encourage them whenever possible to enjoy "safe sex".And of course we need not teach them manners. Manners are a thing of the past so no need to practice being polite.....not to parents, grannies or any officials. And don't forget you can "sue" your parents if they don't allow you to do what you want when you want. Yes sir...we have plenty of lawyers all looking for work.

I personally think it wouldn't hurt to have a few more Christians in places of authority.Not the pretend kind, but the real ones that practice what they preach. They haven't all died out, they're merely sitting back and wishing things were different. Well, wishing and hoping is not enough. You have got to stand up and be counted.

Change? You want change? Start at home. start with your kids and a copy of Emily Post. Teach them manners.
Change? You want change? If you are the one paying for the kids clothing, you be the one that doesn't buy size 42 waist for a 120 pound boy.... And the daughter should be wearing something that covers breast, butt and belly.
Change? Change the way you do things. Turn off the TV, read a book, cancel Playboy,and monitor cell phone and computer usage. Know where they are. Just show up there sometimes unannounced.
Change? Demand that promises made before elections are carried out. Be vocal. Call,write or print in the paper any discrepancies there may be with what you were promised.
Change? Call your mother. Ask for her honest opinion on things. And LISTEN. There is a lot of wisdom in age and experience.
Change your language.....practice your manners, drive as if you are carrying precious cargo...which you are. They are precious and truly gifts from God. They were given to you to instruct in the ways of righteousness, teaching "good" and "bad". How are they going to know if you don't teach them? They surely won't learn it from the media, or from neighbors.

So if you want "Change", then know that it starts at home.
Your home.....right now.

Glenn Beck recently came out with a way to save more gas by driving nude....claiming, and rightly so, that "extra weight" uses more gasoline. I had a few issues with nude driving and wrote to tell him about it. I swear, I believe this man steals my ideas and claims them as his own....Except for this nude driving thing.....But, I've already discussed that in Part 2 of my Air.....tire air "thingy".

His "clothing diet" just needed some work, that's all......just get some of the "wrinkles" out....and, "every little bit helps" in this war to conserve energy.

The AP put out a story in Seattle where a mailman wants to wear kilts to work, claiming his thighs "fill slacks to capacity, causing chafing and scarring". You read it right.....chafing and SCARING!! Ye Gads.....this man must have some really BIG thunder thighs for there to be any kind of scaring to occur. I mean, I have seen some really big people and some even BIGGER pants on kids that surely would be roomy on ANYONE....I don't care how big you are....I sure never thought about scaring.

If this man is in this kind of shape, how in the heck did he pass the physical? We have to pass one, PLUS, we have a dress code......I see mailmen wearing shorts, and think that's a good idea for the work they do. Should it be mandatory? Nah....optional I think. Winter time, if you want, depending on where you live...might be a factor...BUT...I am getting off track.

This mailman says he knows it will be difficult to convince management to offer a kilt as an option. It is referred to as a Male Unbifurcated Garment in the story, but "In one word, it's comfort". He would be more "comfortable" in a kilt. In my world, comfort should also be in the eye of the beholder, same as beauty. If this man's thighs are so big as to be uncomfortable, then I'm not sure that I want to have to see them in a kilt. In fact, maybe he should consider a career move and find a nice desk job where he can hide those thighs behind a desk or a counter. OR...."hoot man".....move to Scotland and flaunt them gams, Just a suggestion.

--------- More important then this stupid story, is the ugly fact that WE THE PEOPLE are so dumbed down, that we think we have the RIGHT to protest anything regardless of how stupid it makes us look......Have you no pride Mr. mailman? No shame in getting your 15 minutes of fame in such a sad way?

Yes, you have the RIGHT. I have the right to stand outside in the rain. If I do, I will get wet and I will appear to be "too stupid to come in out of the rain".
Come in out of the rain, dummy.

It's just me, thinking